Deep Listening

“Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help the person to empty their heart.” ~ Nhat Hanh

When I first read about deep listening, I was intrigued and I wondered if it really does work.

Being an introverted person I tend to listen much more than I speak. Some people find that annoying because silence can make people uneasy but some of the greatest conversations I've ever had occurred when I listened more and spoke less.

But I have found that there is a distinct difference between listening and deep listening.
Listening requires you to not interrupt the person who is speaking with you and to be polite and courteous, waiting patiently for your turn in the conversation.

Deep listening goes even further. It requires you to not only listen but to absorb, to feel, to empathize, and to relate. When the moment is right, you interject but do not change the direction of the conversation or state your opinion in order to justify your own thoughts.
Instead, you focus on every word you are listening to and engage with a combination of compassion and curiosity.

Deep listening involves analyzing what the person is saying in as non-judgmental a way as possible while trying to relate, as best you can, to their circumstances.
My mother was an expert at deep listening.

Over the years I have tried to work on improving my deep listening skills and I am by no means as good at it as my mother was but I have found that when you do purposely focus on the other person, they know it.

How? Because they can sense it…they feel it…and you literally can also. Emotions are what make us uniquely human and our openness to expressing our stories to others create better adjusted and happier individuals.

Just think for a moment and see if you can picture in your mind the people in your life who loved you into being.

As Fred Rogers said so eloquently, “Would you just take, along with me, ten seconds to think of the people who helped you become who you are…Those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life.”

Ten seconds…close your eyes and think…

Who did you think of? My guess is that those people are deep listeners in your life.

They are people who know you well and love you unconditionally. And even if they are no longer here on earth, the memory of their love lives on, in you and is passed on, from you, every time you emulate their existence through your actions.

Deep listening takes practice but it is well worth it.

When we allow ourselves to open up, to not be afraid of being judged or ridiculed, we can experience some of our most profound moments.

So the next time you speak with someone, try to listen, deeply, and see what happens.

I think you will be thankful that you did…

Sheila Dembowski is a retired librarian and a freelance writer trying to promote positive stories as often as possible. Her online newsletter entitled the Kindness Boomerang newsletter can be found at: https://sheiladembowski.substack.com